Uniqua

The longer I live and the more I experience, the more I know about myself.  The funny thing is that the better I know me, the less I fit in.  Fitting into the mold of society is easy for me, but finding true soul brothas and sistas is not.

Dreams of My Last Days

This is a perfect place for me to write because I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore.  Life is all too confusing and I wish that I was better prepared for what has come my way.

I've been having strange dreams lately...

I've died many times in my dreams and my superstitious mother has told me it's a sign of good luck and positive energy coming your way; I do not believe this.

Two nights ago, I dreamed that I was with a guy (my soul-mate/brotha) who passed and shortly after his demise, was my own.  Once I crossed to the other side he was there, about 5 minutes more experienced in this other realm.  We explored and visited people we knew, but we were wandering spirits...did we have a purpose?

In non-dream life, I have set many goals for myself.  I've been optimistic about the future over the last few months, but things have changed because life is too short and we don't know how long we are given.  My dreams of losing my physical body may come true sooner than I think, but my spirit is strong, it's generous, even playful.

What I want to take from these dreams is to live. Not all of us are blessed with a long life and who knows if there's anything after death. We'd all hope there is a heaven for us to rest in. We need to live in the now and stop waiting for later.

What Lies Beneath

Minds infested with disingenuous obsequious sycophants on the line for the sole receiver of tampered goods while the rest of us rot without claim or even a notice of eviction brought forth because we thought they thought of the larger of two unequal masses. Empty vessels like hollow souls reap and take, take and grip, until becomes too grim too swallow.

The Real Fight at Home and Bin Laden's Death

Osama Bin Laden killed.  Just about everyone in America is celebrating, but I question whether America's strategy was the best, especially since 74% of (surveyed) Americans feel less safe now because of the possible backlash and fury from Bin Laden supporters.  Justice > Safety of innocent lives? I don't think so.  


The real fight is not overseas, but in America and doesn't include ethnic discrimination, unfair treatment, and violation of human rights like it did after 9/11.  I think we can all recall the hate crimes and unfair treatment towards Muslims in America after the tragic incident. In order to stop hate and terrorist acts we can't attack, discriminate, or even ignore foreigners or even "foreign-looking" Americans.  We MUST welcome, communicate, and understand the unfamiliar if we are too move forward. It's the only way to destroy the negative perceptions of Americans: that we think we we're god, and we're better than everybody, that we are the world police, out there to take over your country and force our culture and belief system onto you because we are better, by the way we don't listen or care unless you have oil. 


In my experience, there are times where I have felt un-American, like I didn't have a voice, that people looked at me differently.  And if I were a terrorist intent on attacking a country that ostracized me for being Muslim, what would stop me? Feeling like I didn't belong or inclusion? And the answer is so obvious I'm not even going to spell it out.  If you look at other attacks like Virginia Tech or bullying suicides, the extreme behavior is driven by isolation and non-acceptance. I urge all of you to get to know someone different that you hate or look down upon because you will be surprised and you will be a better person.

How to Condition Your Significant Other

Time and time again people come to me with their relationship problems.  They go on about the beginning of their relationship and how their significant other used to be so attentive and bent to their every will.  Things were so good, but now he/she takes me for granted and treats me poorly.  How can I get them back!  The answer is easy, condition them or release them.


Every single time that you forgive your significant other for ignoring your phone call for an entire day (which drives you crazy and into a state of paranoia), you're reinforcing the negative behavior.  These are the steps for conditioning your bf/gf or even a good friend or family member.  This is not to be used to get money or use people.  It should be used to be treated fairly and learn how much you're really worth.


Step 1 - Observe a behavior that displeases you.  


Step 2 - Let the person know what they did and how it made you feel after you gain control of your emotions.  People are more likely to listen to and process rational thoughts rather than bursts of crying and sob stories.


Step 3 - Tell the person to not ever do it again. Don't give a reason, your hurt feelings should be enough. Do not try to hurt them back or take something away; this will associate the behavior with a consequence which they may be able to deal with or worse they may turn it around against you.


Step 4 - Spend time away from your significant other for a few days. This says that your hurt feelings are enough to deter you from seeing them and that you're independent enough to be on your own. Love should be an addition to you and your life and not relied on like food and water.


Step 5 - If the person does it again, leave them. Remind them of the discussion you had earlier about the incident and how that made you feel.  Be serious about it and let them know that if they don't love and respect you enough to not want to hurt you that there are 6 billion people out there and one of them will. If they care about you enough, they will come after you. If they don't then you bit the bullet of further heartache; they don't really care about you and your feelings.  You don't need anyone anyway; on to the next one. 


Step 6 - If they do apologize and you want to reestablish a relationship, give it a  week or longer before you say yes.  Don't wait too long or they might lose interest, but gauge the time logically and not emotionally.  If it happens a third time, leave for good because they need to know that you're worth more and so do you. Chasing a person that treats you badly gives them the upper-hand and says something negatively about your self-worth. 


Step 7 - Now that you have conditioned your significant other.  get all lovey dovey and try to maintain equality in the relationship as best as you can.

Tips for Success:
A. Think rationally and logically instead of emotionally
B. Remember that you don't owe anyone anything, relationships are about the present and future, not the past
C. If you can't assess the situation rationally ask a friend for help
D. Follow the steps exactly!!! 


Follow these steps and you will be empowered to be more independent and rational when it comes to your relationships.  This is obviously easier said than done, but it works!  


Happy conditioning and I'd love to hear if your stories!

Hottentot Human

Note: Hottentot Venus is a novel based on the life of Sarah Baartman. Hottentot was the name of her people given by the Dutch, meaning stutterers. Hottentot Venus (Sarah Baartman) was put on display in the French Circus, treated like an animal, and placed in the Museum of Natural History as the missing link between apes and humans.

Hottenot Human

Hottentot Venus they called her; a woman-like beast born from a clan who spoke in stutters.  Her story dismantled me to tears and brought forth a rage that I have only felt when my mother would tell me stories of genocidal Cambodia.  A beautiful piece of art that should have never been, reminding us of what we truly are, animals. Our predecessors were not civilized beings, they lived in the wild and consumed from the earth.  We, as animals with grand intelligence and a selective conscience began as hunter gatherers designed so through the process of natural selection. We hunted in packs of people and learned to herd and grow green from the earth only to rape its nutrients. We, as animals with intelligent minds learned to take and took, and with the learning curve from our business models were able to do so at a decreasing rate.  When our physical bodies came in contact with those not like us, those who walked erect, had original tongues, ten fingers, and two eyes, they became a threat; one worth killing.  And our instincts, which are not animal-like, but animal in nature storm through our minds, striking our consciences, and infecting our intelligence. Once vast lands became populated of their own, European animals put sticks on water and ventured south, where they raped and they murdered small African businesses.  And because we for so long took and take from the earth without thinking who she is and what she represents, why not take your soil and make it mine, because taking makes cents and greed lives without heart.

Fish Out of Water

In the seventh grade I moved to Savage, Minnesota.  I had moved around quite a bit up to this point in my life, so starting over as the new kid was second nature to me.  The difference was, at this school there was no one that looked or thought like me. I was one of the only ones in my social studies class that thought it shouldn't be illegal for immigrants to come to the US without first learning English.  I remember hating this one student teacher, Ms. Steber (sp?).  I don't remember if she was married or not, but I have no clue why anyone would want to marry her.  She was large and had long curly blonde hair.  She would stand in the hallway and say hi to me with all of the fake-ness she could conjure up.  I saw her once in a late night kick boxing infomercial and that made me smile.  She would always tell me not to do things and what I should and shouldn't wear to school; I wished she would just leave me alone.  Who was she to tell me how to dress and behave? I did nothing wrong and none of the teachers had a problem with me, most were delighted to have me in class.  One day I was called down to the nurses office, I was confused, but delighted to get out of class.  The nurse sat me down and told me that someone (Ms. Steber) requested for her to speak with me about personal hygiene.  Are you SERIOUS!!!?? I took a shower every morning before I left the house and did my laundry weekly, so I know that I don't smell.  The nurse went on to ask me questions...


N:Being that you are Asian, does your mom cook Asian food or American food at home?
M:My mom cooks both, but mostly Asian dishes I guess 
N:Well, Asian food is a lot more greasy than American food and that may have contributed to some bad odor
M:...???? 


My face grew blank, but my mind raged. Imbecile! First of all get your Asians straight.  Japanese, Indian, Filipino, and Cambodian people are not the same and we eat different dishes. I am Khmer and Chinese and our dishes are not all fried. What we eat at home is not the fake commercial garbage that you scarf down when you go to the mall on the weekends. My patience grew thin, but I was was out of my element.  She went on to ask me more bogus questions...  


N:How many pairs of shoes do you own?
M:...Two (Is this a real question?) 
N:You might want to try alternating them daily
N:I nod while trying to avoid eye contact 


I had some red and white Nike Cortez that I wore everyday and a pair of black Sketchers that I never wore. I never knew people owned more than one pair of shoes at a time.  All I could think about is how much I hated Ms. Steber, I knew it was her that made the request.  I wanted her to know how much I hated her and I wanted her to understand that her ignorance was another person's pain and my anger. The nurse ended our meeting and decided to take one last blow to my gut... you're not going to walk out of here and start balling are you?  I gave no reply and walked out of the room.  


Educators should be educated.